Hullo there young one, riding your tricycle in the back yard in the small city of Cork in Ireland, playing happily, running through the forest behind the house with a whole world created there in your imagination. I’m your older self, from forty years in the future, and I’ve stopped by to remember, to see what you can teach me, and to let you know some things.
It’s going to be an amazing adventure you go on. But, it’s going to be hard, really hard. You’re going to discover that the world hates you just for who you were born as. You’re going to be attracted to other boys, but you’re not going to learn that that’s wonderful and more than ok until much much later. Your whole world is going to tell you that you are wrong for even existing. You’re going to be scared of being arrested, of going to prison, of being beaten up maybe killed. Just for existing. You’re going to be scared ALL THE TIME. I’m here to tell you that it’s ok, you’re ok. But you’re not going to be able to see that for a long time, because the world really is out to get you. They’ve made laws against your existence, and they throw people off buildings just because they exist like you do.
I see your eyes and I don’t want to take anything from you, I want only to give you something. Give you strength, you’re going to need it. But you already have that strength, because you made it through, you became me. You made it through the indescribable pain that led you to try and escape permanently from this life three times. You’re going to marry, and unfortunately he is not going to make it, he kills himself, and you’ll have to walk through the pain and guilt and anger that leaves in you. The suffering is going to get so bad you won’t be able to leave your house, for months and years.
There will be lots of adventure too. You’re going to move half way across the world and live in San Francisco. You’re going to be at the forefront of technology. You’re going to be smart, and very successful at what you work at. You’ll help create the entire technology world that explodes into everyone’s lives. You’ll travel all over the world helping create that. You’ll be a great swimmer, and you still love the ocean. You will NEVER lose your love of play. You will be kind and loving. You will always always want to do the right thing. People will flock to you because they see your true heart is pure and loving and kind and happy.
You will bear a lot for one person. You will know suicide from both sides. You will train and volunteer at a hospice and witness death. You will fight without ever giving up for your happiness and for this life. It will seem impossible for a long time, and you will think that it never gets better. But I’m here to tell you that it not only gets better, it gets amazing. You will learn so many things about you and about this world, and your fellow humans that inhabit it. You will learn to express your love for all sentient beings INCLUDING YOURSELF. Boy, that will be the hardest thing of all to learn; but you will. You will learn so many lessons from your suffering and grief. You will learn compassion, such deep compassion for others in suffering. You will learn patience. You will learn that you have a depth of grounded energy that you have a huge wellspring to share with others. You will never lose your curiosity, your love of learning, of always seeking. You will learn that you have a tiger inside you that can help take care of the world. I have enough tiger to share with you all, because this world is my home, and all of us are expressions of this same beautiful astonishing magical life. And you’re going to learn that your purpose in life is to help others to find the joy and magic in their lives, all around them, by showing them there is joy and magic in yours.
Safe journeying young man, I love you.